I never expected it to happen to me...

...but it did. At least I didn't expect it to happen just yet.

It all began innocently enough. The weather was turning nicer and I needed a new pair of running shoes. I thought I'd go shopping for them on my lunch hour and then break them in after work. Sounds simple enough. So off I went to my favorite retailer on the planet, Kohl's. They have all of last year's models that nobody else wanted at a deep discount. Then when you get to the register, they often take even more off for some reason. (I have dreams about this place.) So after carefully selecting the lowest-priced pair, I made my way to the cash register. Then came the Big Test. The guy behind the register stared at me with his arms folded. I felt like I was waiting to visit my half-brother at Cook County Jail. Without taking his eyes off me, he took my shoes out slowly and began to inspect them at some length as if I was trying to pass off Confederate currency. I half-expected him to hold them up to the light! C'mon buddy, do you really think I'd put one crappy pair into the box of another crappy pair? Even I wouldn't stoop that low! Once he was satisfied that I hadn't tried to pull the ol' switcheroo he grinned at me and even winked, I think. Let's go, I thought, I haven't got all day. A line was beginning to form behind me and the guy got a little flustered. He rang up the shoes and had me swipe my credit card. It was at that point that I realized that in addition to the price of the shoes and the sales tax he had deducted 10% for a "Senior Citizens Discount." Huh? My jaw dropped. I didn't even flash my AARP card at him or anything. (It reminded me a little of the last time I got carded, for a six-pack of non-alcoholic beer, no less. After examining my driver's license for what seemed like an eternity, the pimply-faced character behind the counter looked at the sign on the wall that said, You Have to be Born Before this Date to be Served Here... "Oh, you made it easily!" Thanks. Just give me the beer.) But what on earth made this guy at Kohl's think I was a senior citizen? Okay, maybe what remaining hair I have is turning a little gray. And maybe I was unshaven and had an old sweatshirt on. I could see him mistaking me for a bum, but not a senior citizen. This guy needed glasses! And he wasn't even a whole lot younger than me! Could it have been a mistake? Did he hit the wrong key or something? Should I have brought it to his attention? Not on your life! Seriously, what could he have been thinking? After all, these were running shoes! Senior citizens don't buy running shoes, do they? Did he think I was going to use these with my walker? Maybe it was the Velcro fasteners that threw him. All I know is, I got my first senior citizen's discount today.

It was bittersweet.