My wife is selling raffle tickets...

...to benefit the Red & White Albrecht Memorial Scholarship and, when you hear the prizes, I'm sure you'll want in. They are as follows:

1st Prize Golden Oaks X Jet-Red X 91 Pt Ruebens from Gary Derr Herd (or $1,000 Cash).
(The first part of that is a certain type of cow; the second is the only thing I didn't have to have my wife explain.)

2nd prize Benelli-Super Nova 12 GA. Pump Gun @ FLXX Tech Stock
(That's a rifle of some sort. Exactly what we need around the house.)

3rd prize Red & White Canadian True Type Model Cow
(A model cow, just like it sounds. I have no idea how big or small it is or what it's made of, but it's a model of a cow and it must have some value to someone. Good luck with that.)

4th thru 10th prize 10 units each from Richard Green ("ALL RED GENETICS")
(If you're wondering what exactly the 10 units are, you're obviously not in the dairy cattle world. The answer is bull semen. That's right, bull semen. Just what you always wanted.)

It kind of reminds me of the joke about the raffle in which first prize is a weekend in Gary, Indiana. Second prize? A whole week.

You can't make this stuff up.