...works best when I'm invited over to someone's house for a backyard barbecue. Just as the host approaches the dinner table with a large platter of some grilled animal flesh, I take my cue to deadpan, "Oh by the way, did I forget to mention that I've turned vegan?" This usually stops him dead in his tracks and the room falls silent. After quickly glancing around at everyone's dropped jaws, I turn around, bend my knees, and point my index finger at the host. "Gottcha!" I say, and the group erupts in uncontrollable laughter. We all sit down then and sink our teeth into the dead beast in the best tradition of our prehistoric ancestors.
I first thought of this last winter when I was invited over to a friend's house for chili. I noticed that there were two different kinds and the host told me that one was vegetarian, because one of the couples, William and his wife, were vegans. (First of all, what's up with "William?" Shouldn't it be Will or Willie or Bill? Who does this guy think he is, royalty?) "So what's a vegan?" I asked. Apparently it's a vegetarian that's so strict that they don't even eat dairy products. They are usually slim and very healthy. "You don't say," I thought. It was then that the two of them walked through the front door and they must have weighed five hundred pounds combined! I couldn't believe it. These two are vegans? They were huge! As I was shaking William's hand all I could think was, "When did you become a vegan, yesterday?" It turns out they've been vegans for years. So now all I could think was, "You two must cheat like crazy!" But then they turned down dessert (which I never do), and I just stared at them in puzzlement. Then I thought, "Vegan, huh? What would you look like if you ate like me?"
Subscribe to:
Post Comments (Atom)
No comments:
Post a Comment