...to Minnesota with my nephew. The drive was mostly through Wisconsin, and if you haven't been there lately, you'll be pleased to know that it hasn't changed much. The state police are still a nuisance so you have to remain vigilant or else you could get a speeding ticket. We even saw an unmarked car stopping someone at one point which underlined the hazard of being careless. The whole thing was so distracting that I got nervous driving next to an SUV from the Wisconsin Department of Natural Resources. I know that sounds silly but it did have a big, scary siren on top. As we got closer we read "Department of Parks, Forests, and Trails." Do they have jurisdiction on the Interstate? Who knows? They were wearing uniforms, so for ten miles or so we stayed even with them at around 70 miles per hour. I pulled up next to them and looked in and could have sworn they were laughing at me. For a minute there I wondered if they were on their day off and were riding around just to have fun with out-of-staters like me.
But who could be in a hurry to get through a lovely state like Wisconsin? Not only are the convenience stores loaded with Packers and Badgers paraphernalia, but they also have every kind of garment you could possibly imagine in camouflage--just in time for Mother's Day. At one stop we saw a huge display case with a large assortment of beef jerky and Slim Jims. It was like a cigar humidor. Perfect for your next deer hunting trip! Or fishing, or whatever lower life form you choose to hassle or harass. We stopped in at one little wood-paneled restaurant with a cheerful hostess named Dolly that looked like she was straight out of Central Casting. Charming! Then I noticed all the hunting knives, machetes, and other weaponry designed for maiming that were on sale directly behind her. Yikes! Think I'll check out that burger joint down the street.
And let's not forget all those obnoxious "CHEESE" signs you see everywhere. They're enormous and stand hundreds of feet in the air so that you're sure not to miss them. Do people from Wisconsin think that cheese is some kind of delicacy or rare commodity that can't be found anywhere else? I half expected to see a sign saying "Last Chance for Cheese!" What do they think I'm going to do, take a thirty minute detour to buy some Gouda? Who cares? My local grocery store has a ton of cheese and I only buy Kraft singles anyway. And it's not like I'm worried about a shortage or anything-- we're talking about cheese!
Oh well, my wife is from Wisconsin so I'd better be careful. It's good to be back in Chicago, though.
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