For those of you who don't follow...

...Illinois politics, Scott Lee Cohen, a political newcomer, won the Democratic nomination for lieutenant governor on Tuesday.

Cohen, a pawnbroker and owner of a cleaning supplies company,

Pawnbroker?

...shocked the political establishment by beating four state lawmakers to nab the Democratic nomination with 26 percent of the vote. Illinois voters choose the nominees for governor and lieutenant governor separately -- so although [Illinois Governor Pat] Quinn and Cohen didn't campaign together, they now make up the Democratic ticket.

Lieutenant governor? Who cares?

There was little media coverage or public scrutiny of the candidates for a job that carries little political power but is just a heartbeat — or an impeachment — away from being the state's chief executive. Even his opponents never made a large issue of it.

The current governor, Pat Quinn, assumed the office after the impeachment of his predecessor, Rod Blagojevich. All right, so what?

[Quinn] is now trying to dump a running mate who has been accused of abusing women, failing to pay child support and spending lavishly on extramarital affairs.

Oh.

The [Chicago] Tribune reported Wednesday that police and court records from an October 2005 incident show that Cohen's then-girlfriend alleged he put a knife to her throat and pushed her head against a wall. Public records show that the woman, his 24-year-old girlfriend at the time, pleaded guilty to prostitution that same month.

Cohen said Thursday he didn't know the woman was a prostitute and met her when he got a "straight massage" at the Eden Spa.

How was he supposed to know she was a prostitute?

But a Glenview police report indicates his ex-girlfriend freely told an undercover officer posing as a massage customer that women there performed sex acts for money. The April 2005 report detailed a sexual act that Cohen's ex-girlfriend performed for $150, then told the undercover officer that the spa operator "is well-aware of what the girls are doing."

Glenview? Did I read that right?

Cohen said on Thursday he has no intention of leaving the race.

In fact, he has his own take on the situation:

"My honesty and integrity in putting it out there is the best thing that could happen to the party," Cohen told the Tribune.

I couldn't agree more.

His ex-wife, Debra York-Cohen, appeared with him Thursday as part of a media blitz aimed at repairing his image. York-Cohen said she stood by allegations she made during the couple's divorce, but that Cohen's bad behavior took place when he was using steroids.

Steroids? Who said anything about steroids?

"Although I may have taken steroids and or performance enhancing drugs in the past I have not utilized any of these drugs in the last two weeks."

Oh well, as long as you haven't taken any drugs in the last two weeks...

But new disclosures showed that even as Cohen was spending more than $2 million of his own money to run TV and radio ads for his campaign, his ex-wife in December was accusing him in court of being $54,000 behind in child support payments. Cohen and his ex-wife declined to discuss the ongoing case.

"Everybody makes mistakes, and that's what happened to me," Cohen said. "It has no bearing on me leading the people of Illinois."

Makes sense to me.

Cohen maintained that his candidacy is "a strength for the party."

Of course it is.

"I'm the guy that's going to help the governor to come up with these creative ways to bring in revenue," he said.

Creative ways?

This should be interesting...