I broke down tonight. God I hated to, but I couldn't help it. While I was on the phone speaking with my Mom, it just happened. Of course she did her best to console me. I quickly checked myself, for as I mentioned, I especially need to remain strong for my folks. The last thing they should have to hear is their son crying over the phone.
With all this free time, my mind drifts amongst a slew of various thoughts. Earlier today I found myself wishing that instead of reporting to the courts for sentencing a month ago, I had said "fuck it" and become a fugitive. Yes I'd be on the run right now, but hell, it would have to be better than this miserable existence, at least I'd be on the outside. That's crazy thinking though, I snapped back to reality. The thought that perhaps I would never see my boys again, not freely anyway. No, can't do it. To always be looking over my shoulder, not knowing when I'd be caught, well that's not living either. That has to be the worst option!