Eighteen of the 19 students enrolled in the class were members of the North Carolina football team (the other was a former member), reportedly steered there by academic advisers who saw their roles as helping athletes maintain high enough grades to remain eligible to play.
(Read it; it's really pathetic. Spoiler alert: the professor is being hung out to dry.)
But never mind that. I'm sure you'll react much as I did when I first saw that scene above from Casablanca.
What I would like to turn your attention to is the second-to-last paragraph; it mentions a university provost by the name of James W. Dean Jr. And I wonder, do they call him Dean Dean? It reminded me of a priest at our local Catholic church named Bishop. What if he was ever made a bishop? Would people call him Bishop Bishop? I can just imagine the Abbott and Costello-like conversations that would result:
"Who's the bishop here?"
"That's what I want to know; what's the man's name?"