I had my own personal Larry David moment...

...last night at a Sushi Bar, of all places.

My wife and I planned to take our two sons out to dinner after dragging them to a grown up Christmas party. If you come with us we'll buy you some raw fish!

But seriously, what could be more Christmas-y than a Sushi Bar, especially when you are the only Westerners in the place?

We'd been to a Sushi Bar as a family only once before, in Mexico. (Don't ask.) So we may not be the most knowledgeable people in the world when it comes to ordering Japanese food. (Get us out of a Vienna hot dog stand and we get real confused, real fast.) Fortunately, there was a nice young waitress to assist us. The only problem was, she couldn't answer any of our questions.

"We're not very experienced at ordering Sushi. Could you make some recommendations?"

"No."

"Well, do you have some sort of 'variety plate?' " That's generally how we do things in the West.

"No." I could see she wasn't going to make this easy.

"Well, what about this item here?" I pointed to the menu.

"I don't know."

"What about this one? Would this be enough for the whole table?"

"I don't know. Let me go ask the chef." Now we're getting somewhere.

She wasn't being difficult on purpose; she was really very sweet. I think she just wasn't used to waiting on June and Ward Cleaver, Wally and the Beav. As she walked away I was half-tempted to yell after her, "Can't you just bring us the Gaijin Platter?"

It was at about this time that the rest of the table all looked at me as if to say, "Whose brilliant idea was this?"

Before I could plead my case, a nice young Asian man magically appeared at our table.

This must be the chef, come to answer any and all of our questions about the menu. But wait a minute, it appears that he knows my older boy. They shook hands. Was this guy one of my son's friends from high school? Does his family own this place? What's going on here?

My family quickly recognized my confusion. (It's sort of my default mode.)

"This is Mr. Yoon, my math teacher the last two years."

"Oh yes, of course. Mr. Yoon, nice to see you!" We shook hands.

Who the heck is Mr. Yoon? Does his family own this place? Can he help us with the menu?

"Do you work here?" I asked, as my family all cringed. Apparently, he'd been sitting at the table behind us and recognized my son.

"No. I was Joe's math teacher." Well why did the waitress send you over here?

"Can you help us with the menu?"

"Haven't you ever been to a Sushi place before?"

"Well, yes, but we could still use some help." Just then the waitress returned and Mr. Yoon took his leave, nodding at Joe and the rest of us. Wait, Mr. Yoon! Don't go!

"Have you decided yet?" I thought you were going to bring back the boss? I looked all around for him. No luck.

"Just bring us two of the Number Twos. Huh? Not enough for four people? Then bring us three." Just bring us something! Surprise us!

Everyone looked at me as if I had two heads.

Next time I think we'll just go to Hackney's.