Something very strange is happening...

...in America and, apparently, it's happening all over the country: everyone is losing his or her eyesight at the same time. (And I think I know why.)

But, before I get into the "why," let me tell you about the "what."

Ever since I turned fifty, almost five years ago, people began asking me if I was a "senior citizen." Crazy, huh? Why, just yesterday when I asked the lady at Culver's for a cup of coffee, she looked at me and asked if I was a "senior." (What on earth could she have been thinking?)

When I relayed this story to my son he texted me, "Maybe she meant 'senior in college.' " At first it sounded plausible, but then I thought, that's ridiculous: who ever heard of a senior in college getting a discount on a cup of coffee?

No, it's more than that -- much more. Something subtle, something very insidious is going on in America. Space aliens must have landed among us and are gradually taking away our eyesight -- one person at a time -- as part of some evil plot to conquer the earth.

Really, that's the only possible explanation that makes any sense.