Chris Christie's lawyers conducted...

...a thorough investigation of the George Washington Bridge scandal and found their client . . . not guilty!

Meanwhile, in her column in the Times this morning, Gail Collins writes (my emphasis):

Let’s take a minute to search for life lessons in the latest Chris Christie bridge-traffic-jam episode. I believe there are two. First, when the political ship is going down, nobody will bother to rescue the unattached woman and the dork from senior year.

On Friday, Christie held a news conference to discuss the results of an investigation into the now infamous lane closings on the George Washington Bridge. The inquiry was commissioned by, um, Chris Christie. It concluded that the villains were Bridget the Aide and David Who Was Not Popular in High School.

And it all reminds me of that clip above from the original Mission: Impossible series from my childhood. The voice on the tape would always say:

"Your mission, should you choose to accept it..."

And:

"As always, should you or any member of your IM force be caught or killed, the secretary will disavow any knowledge of your actions."

Gov. Christie is way too smart to have his fingerprints anywhere near this scandal. I'll be shocked if there are any incriminating emails or texts that connect him with the bridge closing. Instead, I imagine there was some hint -- or wink or nod -- that if either Bridget Anne Kelly or David Wildstein (or anyone else) was caught doing the governor's dirty work, his office would "disavow any knowledge of your actions."

The only questions left are: Will Kelly and Wildstein talk and will their stories jibe? And who will the public believe, the two sacrificial lambs or the guy running for president?