I drove down to the State Track Meet...

...Saturday, and I was struck by all the contrasts, dichotomies, and disconnects.

The first occurred to me as soon as I got behind the wheel of my car. I turned on satellite radio and was reminded once again of how much I like it. I started out by listening to old Irving Berlin tunes and ended up on the Grateful Dead channel. Talk about contrasts! And none of what I heard could be found on your AM/FM dials. I've often thought that comparing satellite with terrestrial radio is like the difference between a typewriter and a PC.

As I moved out of the Chicago metropolitan area, I was reacquainted with "downstate Illinois" and the chasm that separates it from where I live. The first thing you notice is the topology; central Illinois has the flattest land I have ever seen. The second is harder to pin down; it's just the "feel" of the place. For example, not long after crossing I-80 you begin to see a series of "Burma Shave"-style signs that have been placed by a group called the Champaign County Rifle Association. They say things like:

ON UNARMED FOLKS--THUGS DO PREY--ILLINOIS LAW--KEEPS IT THAT WAY;

WHEN GUN CONTROL--HAS US BEAT--CRIMINALS WILL--OWN THE STREET; and my own personal favorite:

NEVER WORRY--THUGS WON'T ATTACK--IF THE TEACHER--MIGHT SHOOT BACK.

I thought that last one was especially charming. The signs include the association's Web site, GunsSaveLife.com, which doesn't sound right to me. Shouldn't it be something like GunsSaveLives.com? Whatever. At any rate, I visited the site and found out that the president is a guy named David Pike. Essentially, the organization is "working to correct Illinois law to allow law-abiding citizens to carry holstered side-arms." Huh? Pike says that "When a criminal doesn't know who's armed and who's not, they're far more cautious and in many cases, give up the idea of committing that crime."

This is one issue on which I'm a bit of an agnostic. On the one hand, I've never been a big fan of gun control--I don't think it's practical. But on the other, I've only fired a gun a couple of times at Boy Scout Camp and didn't really get a big charge out of it. And I never did understand hunting and fishing. Why do some people feel the need to kill animals that aren't bothering them in the first place? I don't own any guns, don't expect to ever own any, and don't feel particularly unsafe in my home. The truth is, sometimes we lock our doors at night and sometimes we don't.

But what's interesting to me is how passionate these people are about gun ownership, especially in a part of the world that I would think is relatively crime-free. Take that last group of signs, for instance. Are small town schools in central Illinois really filled with menacing thugs? Do teachers really feel the need to carry side-arms? Hard for a suburbanite like me to believe.

Another set of signs makes reference to some pending invasion and citizens' preparedness. Do these people really believe that the Russians or the Muslims (or whomever is just dying to invade us) are going to march right past places like Lake Forest and the Gold Coast to take over some godforsaken little town in central Illinois? And if the invaders should get that far into the nation's hinterland, wouldn't the war be pretty much over by then? I think some of these people took "Red Dawn" a little too seriously.

As I drove on, I passed mileage signs for places like Arcola and Effingham. (Yes, there really is a town by that name. Whenever I mention it, people look at me with arched eyebrows as if I meant F***ing Ham.) I decided to take a bathroom break and get a cup of coffee. Needless to say, there wasn't a Starbuck's anywhere and what I ended up with tasted like a big cup of hot water with cream. Yum!

I finally arrived at the track meet, which was at Eastern Illinois University in Charleston. It's a nice school with a nice stadium, but not exactly The Big House. And what always goes through my mind when I'm at EIU is that Tony Romo of the Dallas Cowboys played Division 1-AA there. It seems odd to me that a guy from Wisconsin could get overlooked by the hometown Badgers, get overlooked by the NFL draft, and still go on to lead America's Team to the playoffs (and date Jessica Simpson). This is while dozens of other star quarterbacks in college never make it in the pros. Is there that big a disconnect between playing quarterback in college and in the NFL?

Bollywood Salon has changed...

...its sign again. It now reads MINI FACIAL SPECIAL $20. What does that mean? Is it for small faces? Or is it only a partial facial? And if so, what parts do they leave out? It still costs more than a full arm wax.

In at least one respect, New Jersey...

...has nothin' over Chicago. You got a problem with that? The Associated Press reports that:

A reputed mob boss, a police officer and five other men were charged Thursday in a sweeping racketeering indictment that alleges eight years of armed robberies, burglaries, jewel thefts and arson based in the western suburbs of Chicago.

Michael "The Large Guy" Sarno, 51, of Westchester allegedly masterminded much of the group's illegal activity, including a February 2003 pipe-bomb explosion that wrecked the storefront offices of a company distributing video poker machines.

You gotta love those mob nicknames! I used to know a guy at the Merc named Sarno who lived in the western suburbs and was rather large himself. I always thought he was just one of a hundred guys down there who were mob wannabes. Every now and then he would take a few days off. I'd always ask him what he'd been doing, hoping in vain for that classic response, "Don' worry abouddit." Instead, he always looked away and said something a little more ambiguous, like "Things." Much to my disappointment, he never followed it up by saying, "Let's just leave it at that!"

Now I wonder if he really "knew people." I'd like to ask around, but I think I already know the answer: "You writin' a book?" Nope, just a blog.

The Chicago Tribune has a small blurb...

...today about the cheeseburgers at Charlie Beinlich's. It's mostly positive and I mostly agree. I like the burgers at Beinlich's and I probably go there quarterly. Same with Hackney's. But I have to say that I think my favorite burger in town is--are you sitting down?--Fuddruckers. That's right, Fuddruckers. Maybe it's the buns, but I don't think you can beat a 1/3 pound Fuddruckers burger with American cheese and grilled onions. It really hits the spot.

Everyone seems all hot and bothered...

...by the yield on the 10-year note, which went back over 3.5% on Wednesday for the first time since November. Commentators on CNBC were practically hyperventilating. "The deficit is too large!" shrieked one. "Inflation is coming back!" cried another. Calm down, I say. Maybe interest rates are just returning to normal levels. Since 1968 the 10-year note has traded mostly above 5%. Last fall the planet gazed into the abyss and there was an understandable flight to quality. Now that the economy may be steadying, investors are looking to take a little more risk and are moving back into equities. I'm guessing that the higher yields are forecasting a recovery, not necessarily inflation. Remember, Reagan ran up the deficit to record peace-time levels in the 1980s and inflation eased. Tell that to the teabaggers.

Memorial Day usually marks the end...

...of grilled ham and cheese season for me. (Oatmeal has been in the rear-view mirror for a few weeks now.) Instead, I'll opt for a cold sandwich to go with my hot bowl of soup at lunch (baby steps). Today, I had a variation on an old favorite--the Millburn (NJ) Deli Sloppy Joe. Now this bears no resemblance to the traditional Sloppy Joe that Midwesterners are used to. Instead, a Millburn Deli Sloppy Joe consists of ham and Swiss cheese on Rye bread with a little Thousand Island dressing and--here's the real kicker--cole slaw on the sandwich. Mine had ham and mild cheddar on whole wheat (that's all we had) but with the slaw. It was delicious. Summer has officially arrived at our house.

The sign outside Bollywood Salon...

...has changed again. It now reads OPEN MEMORIAL DAY. This must come as a relief to all those in need of a last minute arm wax before attending a backyard barbecue. After all, there's no greater appetite-killer than sitting down to eat a cheeseburger across a picnic table from someone who's in dire need of a good arm waxing!