Of all the pictures...

...I could have chosen for a post on Gene & Jude's, I think this one best conveys the ambiance at this classic River Grove eatery. In case you can't read it (and that's as large as I could get it), it says STOP AT THIS POINT...PLACE ORDER...THEN MOVE ON. It even has arrows to guide you, in case you are illiterate or just plain dyslexic. (Or if you're like me and walk right past it. "Hey! What's a guy gotta do around here for a hot dog?") The sign is crucial to understanding your Gene & Jude's experience.

When I arrived promptly at 11:30, my buddy Kevin was waiting patiently in the parking lot.

"Hey! How're you doin'," I said.

"Where do you think you're going?" He replied.

"Inside?"

"Not until I give you some coaching."

Kevin then went on to explain the subtle process of ordering at Gene & Jude's. I felt like George Costanza, preparing to engage the Soup Nazi. The first step is to walk in the right door. "No, not that one! Over here." Then you get in line and make your selection from the extensive menu on the wall behind the counter. Actually, it's not so extensive; the only items are hot dog, double hot dog, corn roll tamale, and fries. The toppings include mustard, relish, onions, and sport peppers. And drinks, of course. That's it.

Behind the counter is a beehive of activity.

"Now whoever you start with, that'll be your guy throughout the whole process."

"Got it."

Since Kevin always orders a double dog, I followed suit. When in Rome, you know? "Everything except sport peppers," I announced to my "guy." (Sport peppers are a funny thing. When you're young, you can't eat them because they're too hot. Then when you get to be my age, you can't eat them because they "don't agree" with you.)

After we got our dogs, we found what we thought was the best seat in the house. (Actually, there are no "seats" per se, just a counter where you stand and eat with everyone else.) The dogs come wrapped with fries in one single piece of wax paper and then shoved into little brown bags with grease stains on them. Beautiful!

In case you haven't picked up on it by now, Gene & Jude's is a license to print money. It's a bare bones operation with just a few offerings, minimal overhead and takes only cash. Good for them; they've hit on a good business model. But I also noticed that they sell T-shirts for good measure--INQUIRE AT THE REGISTER. What could they possibly make on these, an extra five or ten grand a year? They're already making a killing; do they really have to rub our noses in it?

But all in all, it was a great experience. And I have now eaten at ten of the restaurants listed in the Vienna Beef Hall of Fame. One of my life goals is to hit all fifty.