According to the Chicago Tribune,...

...the National Weather Service:

has issued an unusually dire blizzard watch, calling a storm expected to arrive Tuesday afternoon over much of northern Illinois and Northwest Indiana "dangerous, multifaceted and potentially life-threatening."

Yikes!

Good thing the Trib has some helpful guidelines on how to survive the storm:

Eat regularly and drink ample fluids, but avoid caffeine and alcohol.

You're kidding. I can't have a cup of coffee tomorrow?

Maintain ventilation when using kerosene heaters to avoid build-up of toxic fumes. Refuel kerosene heaters outside and keep them at least three feet from flammable objects.

Kerosene heaters? Where do the Trib's readers live, in log cabins?

If you are driving when the storm hits, the Trib advises that you "pull off the highway" and "remain in your vehicle where rescuers are most likely to find you." That makes sense, but then the Trib urges you to:

Exercise to maintain body heat, but avoid overexertion.

Exercise? I don't know about you, but my car's a little small for jumping jacks.

Now for the confusing part:

Be careful not to waste battery power.

But, 

Turn on the inside light so work crews or rescuers can see you.

Also,

If stranded in a remote area, stomp large block letters in an open area spelling out HELP or SOS ... to attract the attention of rescue personnel who may be surveying the area by airplane.

An airplane could see letters you made with your feet, but not see your car?

Here's some suggestions that would apply to me:

Avoid overexertion when shoveling snow... If you must shovel snow, stretch before going outside.

That's where those jumping jacks would come in handy.

And finally, for some guys' wives (but certainly not mine):

Cover your mouth ... Try not to speak unless absolutely necessary.