When my father died last month...

...my wife said to me, "Now you're a member of the club." And she was right. Until you've lost a parent, you really don't know what it's like.

As the father of two boys, I've often thought that I will never really know what it's like to have a daughter. I've observed my friends and brothers who are the fathers of girls (and chuckled a little to myself at how protective they are), but I can only imagine what it's really like. I'll never know. And the same is true for losing a parent.

Jane Brody's column in the Times today is about how and how not to offer condolences on the occasion of someone's death. (Ms. Brody lost her husband of 43 years recently.) In my experience, I found that the only really bad way to offer condolences is to not offer them at all. (It's a big deal when someone loses someone. The least you can do is acknowledge it.) The next worse way is to hurry through it. I noticed that only those not "in the club" were guilty of this and could be forgiven as a result. (I'm sure I've been horrible in this way in the past.) It usually went something like this, "Hey, I was sorry to hear about your dad. Now, about such-and-such..." Ouch.

Almost anything else is acceptable, even those two simple words, "I'm sorry." Nothing else is really required. The best thing to do, I've found, is to just let the aggrieved person talk. That's what they need to do most.

I know it's a little late now, but I really want to thank everyone for all of their kind words these past few weeks. Whether in person, over the phone, by e-mail, cards, or even smoke signals (didn't think I saw those, did you?), they were very much appreciated.

I was genuinely touched by everyone's kindness.