"Masterpiece Theater" must have been...

...a rerun last night, because my wife and I watched the last episode of "The Bachelor" instead. (In case you missed it, Jake chose Vienna.) While not a regular viewer, I've seen enough of these shows to wonder how such seemingly eligible people seem so eternally grateful for the chance to meet (and possibly fall in love with) a member of the opposite sex. Where do these people live, on a deserted island?

Now while some people might think that I'm not the Sexiest Man in America (to paraphrase Dean Wormer in Animal House, "Short, fat and bald is no way to go through life"), I still managed to fall in love with a wonderful girl and get married. Jake, the bachelor in question, and all of the bachelorettes I saw, are attractive people. They're all gainfully employed and there doesn't seem to be an axe murderer in the bunch. And yet they all act as if they never go out on dates or even have the chance to meet other people. And when they do meet someone on the show, they fall head-over-heels in love almost instantly as if it's their last conceivable opportunity.

And I always think, is it really that hard nowadays for good-looking women to meet guys? Has the world changed that much since I was young? Aren't men still attracted to hot young blonds? Do these women really have to go on a reality show to meet someone? Don't they have any friends or relatives who could fix them up with some nice young accountant or some rich old private equity guy who wants to make up for the mess he made of his first marriage?

And what about Jake? Doesn't he turn heads when he walks into a room? He's a pilot for crying out loud! I always thought they were just a notch below rock stars on the Chick Magnet scale. Aren't there any stewardesses on those flights? Are they all near-sighted? Or does he fly planes for Con Air? And where on earth does he live, in a retirement community? Get out in the world, young man! If I can do it, so can you!

It all makes me wonder, is this show heavily scripted, or are these people all just a little deranged?